I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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