I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
