Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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