If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
