FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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