and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
