we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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