Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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