How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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