so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
