i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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