Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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