people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
