I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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