She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
