But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
