Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Umm I'm too high to move.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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