He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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