Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
