I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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