Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
