no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?