"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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