If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
