life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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