Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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