So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
