I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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