I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
