your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
