peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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