Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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