Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
