omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's great music for shaving your balls
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
