I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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