i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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