Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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