I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
