He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
