So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
