She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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