It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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