I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
