so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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