Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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