is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
