he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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