capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
