i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
