dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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