you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
