Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
