I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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