he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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