party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
