I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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