you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
