I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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